Couples

Fundamental Assumptions

I operate from the perspective that everyone is looking to find and maintain security and comfort in their relationships. The stability and ease we all seek is rooted in the core desire to feel safe, seen, and validated. However, the expression of these vulnerable relational needs is obscured by protective behaviors like abandoning withdraw or critical pursuit.

Where Challenge Arises

We use what has worked in the past to try and stay connected, often at the cost of vulnerability. Shutting down or getting more directive activates our partner’s defenses, obstructs our ability to convey our subjective experience, and leaves out the intimate emotional data that is vital to disrupting our collective dynamics. Remaining safe behind our disappearing act or dogged pursuit of our partner blocks our ability to express our deepest longings and perpetuates a cycle that is painful for all.

Emotionally Focused Therapy

I lean heavily on Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) in my couples work and find it elegant and effective. I see challenges that arise in couples as a dynamic — not one person doing anything wrong — but a disruptive pattern, rooted in attachment histories. My job is to help reflect what is happening and direct our curiosity towards why and how we build our walls. Our work will ask us to put down our protective behaviors and speak from our emotional experience, finding our way to express some of our most formative views of self and other. Together we work to create a safe space where we can name the recurrent adaptive relationship dynamic, those protective mechanisms in ourselves, and that of our partners. This kind of work takes practice, but I have witnessed that sharing emotions and naming how we try to protect ourselves is a connective experience. One that helps diffuse painful relationship dynamics and leads to more confidence in navigating conflict.

Here is more information on the logistics.